Sometimes I ask myself:
Am I a loser?
Am I confused?
Am I selfish?
Am I self-centered?
Am I cupid?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I ask these questions because I have been called these names. No one ever called me a loser, but after summing my past mistakes, the total makes me fee like a loser.
I burn bridges, I don't keep my words, I don't succeed where people expect me to succeed. I am disappointed in myself. Nothing is worse than being mad at yourself. I recognize that I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. I hurt friends, close friends, acquaintances, associates, strangers and every one.
Who the fuck am I? What have I become?
I don't recognize the "loser" in me. I have been called a smart Alex, an intelligent person, a walking dictionary, a geek, a cultured being, you name it. All these monikers mean nothing if I don't stay true to them. I use my intelligence to help people. I help them with their homework, I give them inspiring pep talk when they are down.
However, for the past three years, I have never used any of these skills or my knowledge for my own benefit.
Here I am, confused and feeling like a loser, because I failed, failed, and failed again.
